Tuesday, 21 May 2013

Difficult times

Today is a day on which I am struggling. It can be very hard to get through the day when you live with a chronic condition, whether it be physical, mental or some combination of the two. I don't think many people who haven't been there really understand that.

When it gets too hard for me, a few different things can happen. I can try and kill myself - thankfully that's not where I'm at right now. I can hurt myself, which again I haven't done yet. Or I can hide from the world in any number of ways. That's what I'm doing right now. Hiding away, where no one can see me.

Sometimes, when I'm hidden I hide so well I'm an entirely different person. Today, I am a small, uncertain person who finds it difficult to use words. I've been her for a few days now and right now it feels safer to be her than it does to be me.

Hopefully, in a day or so I will feel better and find my words again. Then no doubt I'll have lots to say, as usual.

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